Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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