So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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