Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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