I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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