I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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