in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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