he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
this is an emotional support booty call
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
