Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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