Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
