She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
