Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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