Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
