I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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