ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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