can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
