Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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