I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
