Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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