i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
