I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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