I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
