Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize