i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
