I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
