Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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