Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
