i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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