I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
