how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
