i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
