i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
