The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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