sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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