Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
