She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
