I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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