He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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