dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
