THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
