I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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