Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
