I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How does it feel to date your dad?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
