Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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