Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
