i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
