you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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