you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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