that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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