I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
