dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
