drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
