my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
