Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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