I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
