ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
