so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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