i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
