your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
