Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
