after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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