I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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