I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
