I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
