I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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