are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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